Lasting change through habit: Getting change under your skin.

Well, hello there, little butterfly.

I see you’ve made quite the transformation. It seems like only last week you were a caterpillar, and now look at you — fluttering about, showing off those beautiful wings.

Like the butterfly, some changes seem to happen overnight. But far from being miraculous, a lot of quiet work goes on behind the scenes — before the big reveal.

There doesn’t need to be a calendar reset for positive changes to take shape — or to transform into a slightly better version of ourselves. Even when we resist it, change is happening every day. Some of it is good, some… not so much.

There are moments when we catch ourselves thinking, ‘What if things could be different?‘ What if we could be a different version of ourselves?

But alongside all this hopeful energy comes a quieter truth: we’ve been here before.

Habits we were certain we’d outgrown still linger. Changes we want to make elude us. And any promise of a fresh start is mixed with the frustration of how hard it can be to create lasting positive change, whatever that might be.

Which might leave us to ponder: Do we ever really change?

Is lasting change an illusion?

I’ve always thought change — like happiness — is something we remember. Looked back on through the romantic rear vision of our lives. Thoughts of the passing years leave us to ponder:

Well, I was really happy then. Poor, but happy. Or, I didn’t know it then, but they were the happiest times of my life…

Believing things that just don’t hold true for me anymore — and the quiet chuckle that follows, having ever believed them in the first place.

In hindsight, we can see we did change. Sometimes it’s a happy relief when we acknowledge that those changes were brought about by a committed effort.

At other times, circumstances force changes that leave an indelible mark. These are the times, if we’re resilient, we find ways to make lemonade out of those lemons, and it is indeed a healthy way to view difficult changes in life. There’s always something to learn, or some good to come from it.

But what about when we want to instigate a positive change? Let go of what’s no longer working for something much better. Putting ourselves right there in the driver’s seat. Mastering our own destiny. This is when our best efforts are required.

Falling back into our comfort zone

Even if we wish for change, unless we’ve found a way to commit to positive changes, then falling back into the sameness of the past feels all too comfortable.
Why is this? If change is what we want, why do we fail so often to go after it? Why do we let the past — or the discomfort of change — dictate the future we want for ourselves?

Little, big lies

While we are slowly falling back into that lovely comfort zone, we happily tell ourselves a few tidy little lies, making it easier to stay in a place of sameness. But perhaps these little lies are actually the biggest lies of all. Knowingly deluding ourselves into believing we didn’t really want the changes we earlier committed to as much as we said we did. This surely is the ultimate dupe. Why do we do that?

Getting change under your skin

To change, we need to get change under our skin. Swim around in it, get a little mucky… It’s not enough to think we want to change — it’s not even enough to have a strong desire (although that does help). Nope, we’re going to have to get dirty, really roll around in the mud.

At first, it feels horrible. It’s messy. We really want to back out.

And then, one day, what seemed like a big, old quagmire of a muddy pond became crystal-clear water. Everything that seemed so hard falls into place.

Mission accomplished.

What’s even better? Next time we jump in the mud, we know what we’re in for. We know the transitional pain of change won’t last. We know there is a blue lake and blue skies just ahead.

What just happened?

While we were contemplating change, we began to immerse ourselves in it slowly at first. Before we knew it, the change we’d been hoping for started to take shape.

But what was this immersion? Something big, or many small, but intentional moments?

Lasting change is habit-forming

Yep, we’d made a habit of it.

Like that 30-minute walk we’ve been procrastinating on. But if we act before we have time to think — before we have time to talk ourselves out of it (it’s cold, it’s late, it’s hot, it’s whatever) — suddenly we’re back from our walk.

It wasn’t so bad. We enjoyed it. Tomorrow, we may even walk for 45 minutes.

Now is not the time to overthink it. Let’s allow this new ‘thing’ to take shape. To become a habit.

Apply this thinking to any or every aspect of our lives, and before we know it, we’ve made a change. It’s a lovely, liberating feeling. Not only will we have changed, but we’re going to feel a whole lot better about ourselves and the accomplishments we’ve planned.

Momentum will begin to gather, and before long, there are a whole lot of things we know we can change — if we start with the power of forming a new habit.

We’re no longer overthinking it. We just began.

The power of consistency

In The Power of Habit, Charles Duhigg explores how lasting change really works — why some people and companies evolve with ease, and others stay stuck for years.

Spoiler: it’s not about willpower.

It’s about routine. Repetition. Like brushing our teeth — we don’t think twice about it.

Big changes start small. Making the new thing automatic. A habit.

If you’re curious to dive deeper into the science and psychology of habit-building, here are two other excellent reads:

– Atomic Habits by James Clear — a practical guide to identity-based habit change. Small actions, done consistently, become who we are.

– Tiny Habits by BJ Fogg — a behavioural scientist’s take on starting small and celebrating success to make habits stick. It’s about simplicity, not motivation.

Each offers a different perspective on how habits form and how they can shape the person we’re becoming.